


Finding North

by chezamanda



Series: Finding North [1]
Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Alaska, Babies, Bilingual Character(s), Childbirth, Cooking, Domestic, F/M, Family Feels, Knitting, Mental Health Issues, Parenthood, Post-Movie(s), Pregnancy, Raleigh Knits Things, Unplanned Pregnancy, self-care
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-03
Updated: 2014-12-03
Packaged: 2018-02-27 23:46:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2711138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chezamanda/pseuds/chezamanda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Saving the world from extinction was one thing, finding out that they were going to be parents was something else entirely.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Finding North

**Author's Note:**

> Finally dusting this off after a year of it lingering in my Google Docs account. Thanks to Pamela for the beta work and pregnancy info. 
> 
> Title borrowed from a very pretty, and very fitting, Civil Wars song. 
> 
> There will be more parts of this series to come :)

The house was quiet like it always was in the morning. This was something that Raleigh was still trying to get used to, even after four months of living there. Somehow he’d managed to sleep more than just a couple hours the night before - a new record. Between dealing with the aftermath of saving the world from near extinction and worrying about Mako, Raleigh hadn’t found much time to sleep since they moved to Alaska. 

Mako was puttering around the kitchen when he made his way downstairs. She was wearing one of his sweaters that just barely concealed her rounded belly. Her jet black hair had grown out past her shoulders over the past few months, the streaks in it faded to a pale blue. It obscured her face from his view as he approached. Whatever she had made for breakfast reminded his stomach that he had barely touched dinner the night before.

“Leave me anything?” he asked, stepping up behind her and enveloping her smaller frame in his arms. The clean scent of her shower lingered in her hair.

“Just a few bites,” she said and turned to kiss him good morning.

They ate together quietly in the corner of the kitchen, looking out over sizable lawn that stretched out to the treeline. Raleigh already had plans to put in a swing set right in front of that window. Just a few months ago, he never would have thought about something like that - hell, he hadn’t even been sure that he would live long enough to have a kid. 

Finding out that Mako was pregnant had been a surprise, to say the least. When the doctor confirmed the results and estimated her due date, they knew that it had to have happened shortly after closing the Breach. Protection hadn’t exactly been the first thing on their minds in the moment.

The early weeks of her pregnancy had been rough on Mako. No matter how much she knew about the effects from an outside perspective, experiencing it first hand had been very different. Raleigh remembered her sitting up nights when neither of them had been able to sleep, worried and scared about her decision. Her mother had lost a couple pregnancies before ultimately giving birth to Mako. For all she knew, this trait had been passed on to her as well. She had wished that she had someone there to talk about it, someone who had experienced it personally. Maybe it might have helped her mentally prepare for the pregnancy. He only vaguely remembered when his mom was carrying Jazmine. How his dad would bring her cupcakes from this little bakery in town and lean down to kiss the growing bump beneath her dress.

“What time is the appointment today?” he asked, gathering up their dishes to take to the sink.

“After lunch,” she said. “We should get some things from the store while we’re out, too.”

He noticed her little wince when she stood up - back and joint soreness from her body adjusting to the baby’s growing size, according to what he had read. She had gotten a little clumsy and unsure on her feet lately, another symptom of the shift in her center of gravity. He could see how much it frustrated her. It made him a little helpless at times not being able to do more for Mako. The best he could do was keep reading through pregnancy information that he had found and try to make things easy for her around the house. 

Their retirement money from the PPDC had given them more than enough to pay for the house in Alaska and their living expenses. It was the least the coalition could do for them preventing mankind’s extinction, he supposed. They had done a press junket following the events in Hong Kong, and there was money from that, but they knew that with this unexpected development in their lives, they were both going to need something more long-term. 

Mako had recently been offered speaking positions from different universities both in the States and overseas, but she had told them outright that traveling was out of the question. Instead, they worked out a remote situation where she could remain in their home outside of Anchorage and still give talks to students. 

She had turned the spare room downstairs into her office. It was an interesting set up, a series of cameras that captured her image from different angles. A screen allowed her to see the instructor and their students so that she could answer questions once she finished. There was a schedule posted outside the door just in case Raleigh forgot and went looking for her. He had a tendency to get a little worried when he couldn’t find Mako and had ended up barging right into the middle of a presentation for a Canadian university. 

Sometimes, she had him join in the talks, even if he did feel a little out of his element facing a crowd of university students and professors. Mako just gave him a private, encouraging smile and reminded him that he just needed to talk about his experience, not analyze it for them. That look made him feel like he could do anything.

After they had finished lunch, they piled into the truck and headed out to the doctor’s office in town. It was a good twenty minute drive before they found civilization. Raleigh didn’t mind being so far away from people, that’s one of the reasons why they chose that house over something closer to the more populated areas. They both needed some distance from the outside world to lick their wounds a bit. Though with a baby on the way, he did worry about emergencies and what-ifs that might arise. Thinking ahead, Mako had enrolled in emergency training for infants and small children shortly after finding out that she was pregnant. Supplies that they would need were kept in the house as well as backup fuel for a generator and the truck.

 

Doctor Atwater was the kind of person who set you at ease the moment she walked into a room. Due to the mental stress Mako had been under, Doctor Atwater had been keeping a close eye on the Mako’s advancing pregnancy and mental health. She was pleased with the progress that Mako had been making and her overall health. Raleigh hung back while the doctor did her usual round of tests and questions before wheeling over the ultrasound. 

“If this little one cooperates, we should be able to tell the sex today,” she told them, layering some gel onto Mako’s exposed stomach. “Unless you want to be surprised.”

Raleigh moved to Mako’s side, reaching for her hand, and gave her a little smile. It didn’t matter to them what they were having, but they were still a little curious. Exchanging a look, they both nodded. Doctor Atwater moved the wand over Mako’s stomach until the onscreen image registered the baby’s ghostly form. He recognized the fluttering inside of the baby as its heartbeat.

“Everything looks great; growth is normal,” she noted and then paused, rolling the instrument around to get a better image. “ _She_ is a very healthy little girl.”

Raleigh stared at the screen. At his daughter. 

Their daughter.

Mako squeezed his hand and he looked down at her with the biggest smile he had ever given on his face. He pressed a kiss to the back of her hand before giving her a kiss. They had both been concerned about the emotional fallout somehow affecting the baby’s development. She was perfectly fine, her growth normal for that stage of the pregnancy. He leaned his forehead against hers with a quiet sigh of relief.

* * *

Raleigh found Mako soaking in the tub later that night, soothing music playing from the wireless speakers set up in the room. Candles dotted the edge of the tub and cast the darkened room in soft golden light. Without opening her eyes, she beckoned him over to join her in the tub. Not wanting to turn down the invitation, he quickly shucked off his clothing and slid into the warm water behind her. Mako settled back against his body, humming quietly. 

“I think I’ll be able to sleep better tonight,” she said, slipping into Japanese.

He smiled and brought his hand to rest on the swell of her stomach. “That makes two of us,” he answered in kind. 

Until someone had pointed it out to them, neither had noticed that their conversations switched easily between English and Japanese. It just… happened. Raleigh could only assume that it was a side effect from drifting together. He had picked up enough to get by while working with a few Japanese guys while he worked on the anti-kaiju wall, but nothing to this extent. Considering that he just barely passed his foreign language requirements in school, it had always surprised him that he could speak it at all. 

“She’s moving,” Mako said.

Frowning, Raleigh pressed his hand to her belly in search of the sensation, but couldn’t feel anything. Mako turned her head to look up at him and gave him a half-smile. 

“Only the mother can feel it at this point in the pregnancy,” she explained with a sympathetic look. “A couple more weeks and you’ll be able to feel her moving around.”

He nodded. “What does it feel like?”

She took a moment, as though searching for the right words before she spoke. “A bit strange… but it doesn’t hurt. Like little bubbles."

Her hand came to rest on top of his and she tucked her head beneath his chin. It was moments like this one where he could almost feel like they were any other couple instead of two ex-jaeger pilots thrown together at the end of the world. They had lost so much, but they had each other and they had this life that they were cobbling together with the scraps of who they used to be. The idea of having a baby was terrifying, but from the moment that Mako had found out, she wanted to keep it. She wasn’t sure if she would ever get another chance, and Raleigh supported her decision. 

“I love you,” Raleigh said, pressing a kiss to the top of Mako’s head. “Both of you.”

* * *

Akiko came into the world on a cool October afternoon, her shrill cry dropping to observant silence as she blearily took in her surroundings. Raleigh knew that she couldn’t see perfectly yet, but she stared up at them the moment the doctor placed her in Mako’s arms. She was so tiny and fragile-looking that he was afraid to touch her at first, fearing he might somehow hurt her. Despite his anxiety, his hand moved to stroke the shock of dark hair that she had. Her big, grey-blue eyes shifted over to his face and he felt his heart stutter.

His daughter was looking at him.

In that moment, this little girl who looked so much like her mother became the center of Raleigh’s world. He knew that there wasn’t anything that he wouldn’t do to keep her happy and safe. They gave her both of their family names and took her home wrapped in a soft, yellow blanket the following afternoon. She kept them up that first night, not because she was fussing like they had expected, but because both of them were worried about every little thing that could possibly happen to her. While they sat beside her crib, Akiko slept peacefully without making so much as a peep.

Akiko grew to a plump size in the weeks following her homecoming and she maintained the sweet, calm disposition that she had had the first moment they were introduced to her. She only cried when she really needed to be fed or have someone change her. Raleigh discovered when she was around four months old, that if he tickled her knees, she would erupt in peals of laughter. She listened intently when Mako read stories to her in Japanese; he swore that he could see her little brain soaking up every word and cataloging them for later when she could speak. It was the same look that she had when he sang her some of the French lullabies that his mom used to use to get him and his siblings to sleep as kids.

They quickly adapted to life with their daughter, but Raleigh still felt like he was going to do something wrong. Neither of them had parents to call upon for help, so they wound up making more than a few phone calls to an extremely patient Tendo Choi when they were in need of some parent-to-parent advice. 

“Are we ever going to stop feeling like we’re about to royally mess up our kid?” he’d asked Tendo once.

A burst of laughter preceded his response. “No. That’s just part of the deal, brother.”

The trick, Tendo had told him, was that you just do the best you can and if the kid is happy and fed at the end of the day, you’re on the right track. Akiko certainly was a happy child, so Raleigh figured things were going well in that department. She gobbled up whatever they put in front of her. He couldn’t understand how she didn't turn her nose up to puréed green beans or beets, but he was glad they didn't have to worry about her getting her vegetable servings in every day. 

Trying not to worry about her or Mako was next to impossible for Raleigh. When he wasn’t keeping an eye on Akiko as she played on her little mat or sneaking into her nursery to make sure she was still breathing, he was concerned with his partner. She still had nightmares, just as he did, about Hong Kong and her childhood. The nights that he didn’t wake up in a cold sweat from one, she would startle awake or cry out in her sleep. 

Survivor’s guilt and PTSD were what therapists called what they had been experiencing. It was common among ex-rangers and other military who had seen action. The brain had a hard time letting go of violent and traumatic experiences and nightmares were just one way that the subconscious dealt with such issues. They had both been through it before, but having to deal with it on top of worrying about a child made it all the more acute.

Those nights when their memories kept them awake, they spent in their daughter’s room with some tea to help ease their nerves. Akiko slept peacefully as they watched her from the other side of the room. Raleigh sat with his back against the padded rocking chair, Mako’s legs resting over his shoulders because they always felt calmer when they were touching. She absently ran her fingers through his hair and neither of them spoke; they didn’t need to. 

He often would bring his knitting with him, the repetitive movement usually helped him to zone out a little. It was something that he had picked up from his grandma and got him a considerable amount of flack from his brother when they were kids. He’d picked it up again after Yancy’s death, more out of necessity than anything, but he had discovered it helped keep himself out of his head and his hand from reaching for a bottle.

He would study the framed photos above Akiko’s crib - the picture of him and Yancy smiling after taking down a kaiju and one of Stacker and a younger version of Mako that was from her graduation. For as long as Raleigh had worked with Stacker, he couldn’t remember ever seeing the man smile like that. He was well dressed as always, beaming proudly at his adopted daughter’s side as she held her diploma. He could remember how elated she had felt knowing she had made her _sensei_ proud. They wanted their daughter to grow up knowing her family even if they were no longer around. This was one way that Mako and Raleigh could keep their memories alive.

* * *

There were some nights when they were both able to sleep, though it never failed that their normally quiet little girl would wake up in the middle of the night. This night was no exception. Raleigh was on his feet just as Mako began to sit up, tiredly groping at his side of the bed with a frustrated sound. He leaned over and kissed her temple.

“I’ve got her. Go back to sleep.”

Mako settled back down into the warm bed, her body curling in on itself beneath the thick covers. He pulled on a robe before heading into the nursery. Akiko’s wails became more insistent as he approached. 

“Okay, okay, I’m here,” he said, walking into the room. 

There was an amber-colored night light that kept the room just bright enough for him to see without turning on the overhead light. He gathered Akiko into his arms and it was very obviously that she was in need of a diaper change. 

"I cannot wait until you're big enough to take care of this yourself, kiddo," he said as he got her squared away. 

Akiko fell back into that observant silence of hers, watching him with curiosity with her steely blue eyes. Tossing the old diaper into the pail beside her changing stand, he left her on the changing table and then ducked into the bathroom across the hall to wash his hands. The table had enough of a bumper that it prevented her from rolling off the edge, so he wasn't worried about her taking a dive. 

He came back into the nursery. "That's much better, isn't it?" 

Akiko blinked at him, sucking on her little fingers.

Raleigh scooped his daughter back into his arms and settled down in the rocking chair. He knew that she would need a few moments of cuddle time before she was ready to go back to sleep - or perhaps it was the other way around. She gurgled contentedly and reached for the twin pair of dog tags that he wore around his neck, giving them a tug. They were no longer identical tags, not since he and Mako had exchanged tags. It was a sign of their commitment to each other - the one always having a little piece of the other with them at all times. They didn't need vows or wedding rings. This was more personal, more them. 

A small smile crossed his face as he gazed down at his baby girl in the dim, warm glow. That connection that he shared with Mako was the reason this amazing little thing was on the earth now. Akiko was living proof of their bond.

* * *

Before Raleigh went into town for groceries, he packed her up in a warm, insulated onesie and a colorful knit hat that he had made for her. Akiko loved the bright packaging on the shelves and liked to reach out in hopes of bringing one of the bright, shiny things closer to her face, but Raleigh usually intervened first. It was hard saying no to that disappointed face she pulled, but every once and a while, he let her have something off the shelf. Akiko always squealed happily when he did that.

“Why don’t we make mama’s favorite for dinner tonight, hm?” he said, pushing the cart through the produce aisle.

Akiko gurgled and he assumed that was baby talk for: “That sounds like a great idea, daddy.”

Necessity had taught Raleigh that he could, in fact, cook more than just a ready-made meal in a microwave. At the very least, he knew that he could follow a recipe if it didn't have too many steps. He had started making _okonomiyaki_ for Mako while she was pregnant because she had been craving them so badly. The cabbage pancakes quickly became a favorite of his as well.

Returning home with loads of groceries, Raleigh wished that Mako wasn’t busy giving another talk because he could use an extra hand unloading the bags. Raleigh set Akiko in her little bouncy seat with her favorite stuffed penguin toy while he moved between the driveway and the kitchen. Mako was still in her office by the time he put everything away and started on dinner.

Cooking, Raleigh had learned, had a similar effect on his brain as knitting did. Once he had learned how to make something, he easily fell into the rhythm of cutting and chopping the ingredients, making sure to watch them for doneness as they sat in the pan or the oven, and arranging the food on a plate so that it looked the most appetizing. Perhaps if he had taken that cooking course in high school, he might have wound up a completely different person, he wondered. 

Akiko giggled behind him, presumably at something the penguin had done. Raleigh looked over his shoulder and grinned at his daughter. 

He was pretty good with the person he turned out to be.


End file.
